As we head into the New Year, I suppose it’s only fitting that today’s post be a reflection on the year that’s been, along with my hopes and dreams for the year ahead. So, 2024…what can I say? Well, it has simultaneously been the best AND the worst year of my life.

There’s absolutely no question why it was the worst year. Losing a child is every parent’s worst nightmare, and something you’d never wish on your worst enemy. Sometimes I wonder how it’s possible that I’m still standing, let alone surviving and functioning! Some days it still doesn’t seem real; on others, I feel like I’m barely holding it together - I get tremors/shakes, and I’m constantly breaking down throughout the day.

But just in case losing a child wasn’t enough, this year decided to throw even more at us. There was continuous family drama, health and financial struggles, and trying to navigate the first year of school, which revealed an ADHD and possible ASD diagnosis for my oldest child. As if my grief wasn’t enough, I had to have my heart break further hearing “nobody wanted to play with me because they said I’m naughty”, and on top of that, dealing with an incident where he got physically attacked and held down by an almost-teenager.

And through all of this, there has been hurt and betrayal by people who were supposed to be there for us. People who were supposed to have our back, but instead were talking behind our backs, spreading hate and “half-truths”. People isolating and excluding us, even going so far as to avoid or shun us. And soooo much fake-ness and gaslighting, which, when your mental health is already under attack, is really hard to ignore!

BUT…2024 is still the best year I will ever have, simply because it is the year where I have the most memories of when my family was the most complete. I am grateful that I got to spend half of this year with my precious Dorian. I got to see God’s goodness and faithfulness as he continued to defy odds and grow healthily without ever needing cardiac surgery. And even after he passed, God’s love and mercy continued, overflowing with His strength and comfort, and the occasional visions of Dorian when I needed them the most.

I got to see God’s blessings and provision; financially seeing us through our bereavement leave from work, and not just receiving financial help for all the paediatric therapy, but also being God-led to the “right” therapists. We were also blessed with amazing teachers, school/childcare support, church, and even my business community. And, of course, our biggest blessing this year has been family; our parents in particular. But this year has also re-defined family for us; that it’s not necessarily blood, and that sometimes, it's blood that hurts you the most. We got to realise who our true friends were, and we also made new friends and strengthened relationships with old ones - people who would love and accept us as we are, and stand by us and for us.

And through all of this, there has been growth and resilience. I realised that every year for the past few years, I’ve been saying that this year made me strong but next year will be the year that makes me happy…and the new year just laughs and takes that as a challenge to break me down even more. I don’t know what 2025 will bring but I know what I want to bring into it: my continued faith in God, a determination to focus on what truly matters, a willingness to make the right changes, and a desire to choose joy in every season.

Happy New Year, and I pray that 2025 will be life-changing (in the best way possible), and everything you need it to be!