I know we’ve seen a plethora of Mother’s Day content and yesterday was full of posts celebrating mums. I was going to do a celebratory blog post today, but the more I thought about what to write, the more I realised that my thoughts kept circling back to one thing. So….I’m going to possibly cause a bit of controversy here and just write about it even if it’s not exactly a celebratory, mum-centred post.

The last couple of months, I’ve really been pondering on motherhood and the sacrifices we make as mums. I think it’s been ingrained in us that everyone else comes first and we just have to make do. It’s almost as if we’re expected to sacrifice ourselves, otherwise we’re not deemed “a good mother”. Why is that though? Why is it that we are held to such a ridiculously high standard compared to our male counterparts?

Don’t get me wrong; I have an amazing husband who is an even better dad. I like to think we have a mostly equal household in terms of our jobs/careers, household chores, and parenting duties. In fact, I often have people tell me how lucky I am to have a man like him! And I know that! I AM lucky, because I know that’s not the norm! But at the same time, WHY am I considered lucky, and also, why does this mean that I have to live “in gratitude” towards him? Why isn’t HE considered the lucky one to have a wife that also contributes financially to the family? Do you see what I’m getting at here?

Now before you get the wrong idea, this is not a man-dissing post. If I’m dissing anything, it’s societal norms. I’m dissing the idea that mums should just be expected to sacrifice their sanity, their mental health, their self-care, their dreams, etc. because “that’s just what we do as mums”. I’m also dissing the idea that we should “just let it go” because “that’s how it was back in the day”.

As a boy mum, I am so aware that I have the power and the responsibility to mould my boys not only into good men, but also into good partners, and good dads. And this is where I am truly grateful for my husband, because we all know that kids learn by example and he is showing them every day how to be an equal partner and parent. He is creating a norm for them to have a dad who is present in their upbringing, who isn’t just there for the fun stuff but is also there for the necessary stuff.

The fact is that if we want there to be LASTING change, it needs to start from us and it needs to start NOW. Mamas, it’s up to us to teach our children and help shape a better future for the younger generations when they start having families of their own. Let us teach our boys to be the kind of partners and dads that we’d want ourselves; let us teach our girls to stop apologising for wanting more equality in the household, or for having mental health/self-care breaks and non-mum dreams of their own. And overall, let us teach our kids not to settle for society’s norms of gender-roles just because “that’s how it was back in the day”.